31 for 41: Choosing a Bride

Dear Donovan,

When you were little, I always tried to make Christmas morning extra special for you.  It’s the reason I would pay close attention when you watched toy commercials or talked about the play things that you liked.  It’s the reason I braved Walmart at midnight on Black Friday, and the reason I once stood in line outside of GameStop at 5:00 am to get a special blue Nintendo DS package.

I planned, I saved money, I didn’t purchase things I would have liked for myself… all because you are my son and I wanted to give you good gifts.  I possessed the desire to give you what you want.  Since I am your mother, and lived with you and studied you, I also possessed the ability to select things that you wanted.  I also chose many things for you that you never asked for or even knew existed, but since I knew you so well, I knew you would love them… and you did.

I want you to now consider that, even though I tried my best, my efforts to give you good gifts can never match God’s gift-giving skills.  Talk about having the desire and the ability to give you good things… the One who created you knows exactly what will provide you with joy and fulfillment, and He has all power to make it happen.  “If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?”  (Matthew 7:11)

Some people forget this truth when it comes to selecting a husband or wife, or struggle to trust it.  It certainly is such an important decision, one of the most important decisions you will make in your life.  For that very reason, many struggle to trust God instead of their own thinking.  For that very reason, though, a wise man will allow the One who designed him, and who knows the hearts of all women, to make the best match.  

Many have found out, in the worst ways, that their own thinking on this matter was flawed.  As your mother who wants you to have the wonderful gift of a wonderful wife, I do not want you to make the mistake of choosing the wrong one.  I would like to offer seven questions to ask yourself about any woman whom you consider to be a potential partner for life:

1. Is she a true believer in Christ?    Be ye not unequally yoked (2 Corinthians 6:14a)

2. How deep is her beauty?  Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.  Proverbs 31:30

3.  How far does her love reach?  Does she possess the qualities of a Proverbs 31 woman, who works hard and gives unselfishly because she loves her family and loves her neighbors?

4.  Is she content and controlled, or is she contentious?  It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.  Proverbs 21:19

5.  Does she seek to love you in the ways that you want to be loved?  Two people can both work hard to show love to each other, but both can still feel unloved if their partner is not willing to try to speak their love language.  (Love) “seeketh not her own” from 1 Corinthians 13:5

6.  Are you prepared to love her, for the rest of your life, as Christ loves his Church?  Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it. Ephesians 5:25

7.  What do multiple healthy, balanced, trusted adults, who love you deeply and unselfishly, think of her?  Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counsellors there is safety.  Proverbs 11:14

There is another summary question, and it is this:  “Is she the one God has chosen for you?”  The One who created you understands you better than anyone else.  Trust His care and timing for this crucial matter.  It will affect your happiness, your future children’s happiness and development, your finances, your career goals, your circle of friends, and your own spiritual state.

The Song of Solomon proves that marriage is intended to be beautiful, intimate, and fulfilling.  Just like I delighted to see your joy on Christmas morning, my desire is to see you happy and fulfilled in a healthy, loving marriage.  I am speaking from experience when I say that God can give you above and beyond what you thought you wanted or needed, if you trust His giving.  There is no perfect woman, but there is the perfect woman for you if you let God choose her.

Delight thyself also in the Lord: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.  Psalm 37:4

Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord.  Proverbs 18:22

I love you forever,

Your mama

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