31 for 41: Buy her coffee

Dear Donovan,

I am writing this short letter late tonight because Brandon and I had a date today.  You know that he and I still try to schedule dates into our busy family schedule.  We believe it is important for us to take time away from everyone else, just two best friends on adventures.  We also believe this is one of the practices that helps us model a healthy, loving marriage to you and the twins.

When Brandon and I started dating, he quickly learned how much I love a great cup of coffee, and soon made it a priority during our adventures.  Sometimes when I felt like I didn’t really need to splurge on coffee or take the time for it, he would insist on buying me the cup of coffee.  He paid attention to something that I enjoy, and he made it a priority.

You were in on the Christmas surprise while he and I were dating, when he bought me the really nice camera, knowing how much I love photography.  Then when we began our marriage, he patiently accompanied me around Charleston on our honeymoon so that I could soak in the history and architecture.  Five years later, our anniversary trip was spent at Jamestown, Yorktown, and Williamsburg.  I was as excited as a little child on Christmas morning.  Brandon didn’t laugh at the history geek when I teared up while standing in the spot where Pocahontas probably got married.  He was excited with me because I was excited.

This is one of the beautiful things about mutual, unselfish love.  It is a giving love and a growing love.  He buys me coffee and I follow him around while he looks at fishing rods.  Neither of us does that in order to get something in return.  We do it because we know how much the other person enjoys it.  It makes our journey together sweeter, and we both feel supported as we continue to grow and develop.

This is the kind of love I want you to have.  When you find your mate, study her.  Find out what is important to her.  Show her you love her by investing in what matters to her.  Support her dreams as God directs her path.  If her love for you is true and unselfish, she will do the same for you.  She may not like coffee, but “buying her coffee” will mean that you show love in action by paying attention to the details that delight her heart.

Whether it is to your friends or cousins or daughters, be a man who reminds women that this is the type of love they deserve.  It is the type of love that Christ demonstrated, a pure and selfless love.  And as it has been designed for us, supporting your mate in her development will also develop you.  You know it’s true, since I now recognize and admire the sound of a Mach 1 engine and Brandon now appreciates the legacy of Tarheel basketball.  🙂

 My beloved is mine, and I am his.  Song of Solomon 2:16

I love you forever,

Your coffee-loving mama